After 17 years of silent

My sweetness,

I am sorry...

I have nothing left in me.

All that I have all that I was... it is gone now.

You would hate me now if you know the person I have become.

I am in pieces and that is too many for you to put back together.

I can never go back to that happy girl who gave you my dreams to build on Taj. I died after HE took something which was always meant for you.

I love you forever. I'll die loving you...

You are my everything... the love I never thought I'd ever be worthy off. Tayanna is a lucky women. Much happiness to you my sweet darling forever heart:

Yasleh Hani Wati Mat Yassin

PS : Please don't keep those letters anymore. They mock who I have become now - empty and soulless.

Goodbye

To Nickolas Gene from Almyra.

For you are nothing but my delusions... so the people in the white coats would say,

They don't know I am not crazy, just unwell,

But for my sanity now they insist I bid you adiue,

So again I relegate you to the back of my mind,

So very sorry darling, you are just a fantasy that won't ever come to being,

Doesn't change the fact that I am forever lost in your soul.



: Always yours even if I forever be labeled insane.. I will risk and lose all if it means one day we will can breach the divide

Sarah Elizabeth James/ Almyra James Carter/ Louisa Phillipa Andrew

Justin

Because you love me without me ever suspecting,
Your love is honest and unconditional -
Freely given full of trust;

You have loved me more than any man ever could in the short span of time that you learned what love really means,
And in that short time you have loved me more than anyone ever could

I am honored and blushing that you see me as you do
Even with all my imperfections you smile and think I am exquisite every-time,

Though the time we have is limited,
I treasure every second you sang to me
And bring my spirit soaring;
You made all my dreams come true,
You are all the colors and hues,
And you make me truly unglued -

I fall at your feet
And you never let me touch the ground,
You make me feel tall when in reality i am so damnably small,
You lift me up, you give me joy,
And always you remind me you made me one less lonely girl and you truly showed me my wort;

I LOVE YOU FOREVER JB.

Westlife - Soledad

For my delusions... my brothers in BSB, My BFF Taj Jackson, Taryll Jackson, TJ Jackson, Nick Carter and Aaron and the two Princes of england William And Harry, May you remain forever fantastical somehwere well beyond my mind's eyes reach.

Soledad 

If only you could see the tears in the world you left behind
If only you could heal my heart just one more time
Even when I close my eyes
There's an image of your face
And once again I come to REALIZE
You're a loss I can't replace

Soledad
It's a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you were gone
Why did you leave me
Soledad
In my heart you were the only
And your memory lives on
Why did you leave me
Soledad

Walking down the streets of Nothingville
Where our love was young and free
Can't believe just what an empty place
It has come to be
I would give my life away
If it could only be the same
Cause I conceal the voice inside of me
That is calling out your name

Soledad
It's a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you were gone
Why did you leave me
Soledad
In my heart you were the only
And your memory lives on
Why did you leave me
Soledad

Time will never change the things you've told me
After all we're meant to be love will bring us back to you and me
If only you could see

Soledad
It's a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you were gone
Why did you leave me
Soledad
In my heart you were the only
And your memory lives on
Why did you leave me
Soledad

Because I believe

HCAD,

I m exhausted from all the codes and mindgames, so if it is ok with you, I will just put a few pictures and a word or two and you decide what it is I m trying to say to you... ok sweetness?

you?

 us?

Reality.

can we pick up the pieces my sweetness?

I doubt it because I m just so broken all the time.

ready?

or is this really you?

another letter

Dearest,

Please forgive me for 17 years of keeping silent. I was lost in as lonely place could hardly believe you were always there.

lucky tishona.. I guess it is time for me to lket you yti

SVS A.

To A,

I am sorry.

I was so blind, so lost in HIM... I never knew... no matter how many times you tried to tell me:

:sorry doesnt even cut it:

1. I am a fool and I don't know why you still love me
2. I don't pretend to comprehend the pain I have put you through for 10 year.
3. I always thought it was gene... I never saw you... maybe i was just afraid..

$. To quote my fave song, "Can you forgive me, and open your heart once again? It's true, I mean it from the bottom of my heart... without you I will fall apart...

Post Manic depression

The only thing real left in my life is my family and real time friends... the rest are sadly mere delusions... too bad I never knew Nick and Harry and my so called brothers in BSB. Trust me I live this day empty and lost

Goodnight Kises

See you soon in my dreams darling.... where will our hearts take us to tonight? I will be happy if I could just find myself lying close cuddled in your strong loving arms.

Love you Nick. 

Kisses, hugs and other X-Rated things I can't write here.

Feel you
Unbelievable as it is
Crying now
Know you there

Mine forever
Everytime baby

Dying Every Second You Go Away

Don't talk about the tears I shed.. or the shattering of my heart... lets talk about how you leave me near DEATH every time you leave me.

I know I complain about my sis moping over PHIL forever... however I don't mope outside... you know in my heart I m near DEATH for always.

Especially since you are always SILENT all the time...

Like right now... Arrrianne waiting for Legolass... or something like that... You know what I m saying.

Dying NICK. 

Dying all the time forever and for always

Still The One

Sixteen years ago Nick, you walked into my life with a bunch of lies and it was only last year on my birthday that you finally told me the truth.

Love Is

backstreet boys

Nick

Yeahh
Ooohh
Yeah yeah

Once there was a time love was just a myth
It just wasn't for real, didn't exist
Til the day you came into my life
You forced me to think twice
I didn't have too much, no I wasn't rich
Gave me belief someday I'd be more than this
That's why until this day I'm still your man
Cause you made me understand that

Love is kisses in a bean bag chair
The two of us but no one there
Love is the moment that I climb the stairs
To hold you in my arms after we make love
Love is waking up to see your face
Or kissing in the morning rain
Love is
The only thing that keeps me sane
At the end of the day is that I've got you

You're my secret place where I can be myself
You connect with me like nobody else
Even though our circumstances changed
Our love still remains
Meet me on the ground, still you help me fly
You taught me to be patient, I taught you to rely
So no matter what tomorrow brings
We got the simple things cause (noooo)

Love is kisses in a bean bag chair (bean bag chair)
The two of us but no one there (no one there)
Love is the moment that I climb the stairs (ohh)
To hold you in my arms after we make love
Love is waking up to see your face (ohh)
Or kissing in the morning rain
Love is
The only thing that keeps me sane (ohh)
At the end of the day is that I've got you

Love is
A Sunday morning with the blanket wrapped around your waist
Love is
The way your lips seem to curve
When you say my name (say my name ohh)
Love is
And when I'm stressing like the world's turning upside down
Girl it all makes sense when you're around

Love is kisses in a bean bag chair (yeah)
The two of us but no one there (making love is)
Love is the moment that I climb the stairs
To hold you in my arms after we make love
Love is waking up to see your face (yeah yeah yeah yeah)
Or kissing in the morning rain
Love is
The only thing that keeps me sane (I'm gonna keep you baby)
At the end of the day is that I've got you

Love is kisses in a bean bag chair (bag chair)
The two of us but no one there
Love is the moment that I climb the stairs
To hold you in my arms after we make love
Love is waking up to see your face (I've got you baby)
Or kissing in the morning rain
Love is (baby)
The only thing that keeps me sane
At the end of the day is that I've got you

Love is
Waking up to see your face (say I've got you)
Kissing in the morning rain (ooh)
At the end of the day is that I've got you