You know it's there;
Lurking in your mind somewhere,
Waiting at any given time,
To tear your life asunder yet again.
So you wait.
You worry.
Sometimes you forget but then your ever vigilant lil' brother queries you on why you are not sleeping,
And the reminder jackknifed you where it hurts;
Bringing back the nightmare of those dark times,
When your mind just wasn't,
And your sanity too in question.
And it's a waiting game,
That you are always afraid of losing,
And the echoes of the voices in your head,
Makes you that less convinced that the demon is far away,
And you pray and pray to a higher power,
That the day when it comes again,
Won't be near,
and won't be worse than those previous days;
Nor last as long.
It has a name;
Schizo- affective disorder -
And it likes to shred my life to pieces,
And this is my terrible truth;
That my life is held at ransom,
By something that I could neither fathom nor overcome... and I wait... and wait for a future rife with uncertainty by what fate dictates and all I can do is ride the journey and hope I'll come out all right on the other side of my life's great divide.
Thursday, October 1, 2015
Monday, May 25, 2015
Life made right
Faith was something she had long given up on. Just like she had given up on hopes and dreams. The cruel side of life has left her bitter and broken.
She had no reason to believe that there is still any good left in the world. At least not for her.
At 14, she had lost both her parents and two siblings on a car collision with a speeding driver who lost control of his wheel.
She was sent to live with her miserable aunt who had nothing but hate in her heart for she had envied her mother who was her younger sister who seemed to have had the perfect life that she could not somehow emulate.
The accident was life made right for her aunt except for the fact that she still lived and her aunt, being her only living relative have to take care of her.
It had been almost four years since the accident and life under her aunt's thumb has been nothing but misery.
Her aunt was prone to losing her temper and although she was never physically abusive, her words were always painful and mean and it eroded at her self-worth.
The only upside to her miserable life at home was she would find any excuse to stay in school longer for school is the only place other than home where her aunt allowed her to be and thus her grades were perfect and she was a shoe in for college after winning a full scholarship.
All she had to do now was finish her secondary school education and move out of her aunt's life forever. When she reach 18 her aunt will no longer have any say in her life and all the assets which her parents had left behind after their demise will rightfully be hers to access freely.
The future did seem hopeful but years of being beaten down my meanness had eroded all sense of positivity from her.
She kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Kept waiting for things to go wrong with her plan but it never did.
She finished secondary school, moved out of her aunt's place back into her old house and went to college and finally after 4 years of nightmare she saw promise in the world again and perhaps now she would be able to move on from the dark place she had been living in after her entire family was taken from her.
Like the saying said it is always darkest before the dawn.
She had no reason to believe that there is still any good left in the world. At least not for her.
At 14, she had lost both her parents and two siblings on a car collision with a speeding driver who lost control of his wheel.
She was sent to live with her miserable aunt who had nothing but hate in her heart for she had envied her mother who was her younger sister who seemed to have had the perfect life that she could not somehow emulate.
The accident was life made right for her aunt except for the fact that she still lived and her aunt, being her only living relative have to take care of her.
It had been almost four years since the accident and life under her aunt's thumb has been nothing but misery.
Her aunt was prone to losing her temper and although she was never physically abusive, her words were always painful and mean and it eroded at her self-worth.
The only upside to her miserable life at home was she would find any excuse to stay in school longer for school is the only place other than home where her aunt allowed her to be and thus her grades were perfect and she was a shoe in for college after winning a full scholarship.
All she had to do now was finish her secondary school education and move out of her aunt's life forever. When she reach 18 her aunt will no longer have any say in her life and all the assets which her parents had left behind after their demise will rightfully be hers to access freely.
The future did seem hopeful but years of being beaten down my meanness had eroded all sense of positivity from her.
She kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Kept waiting for things to go wrong with her plan but it never did.
She finished secondary school, moved out of her aunt's place back into her old house and went to college and finally after 4 years of nightmare she saw promise in the world again and perhaps now she would be able to move on from the dark place she had been living in after her entire family was taken from her.
Like the saying said it is always darkest before the dawn.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)