Goobye

Checking out

Beyonce-Broken hearted girl [With Lyrics]

http://www.youtube.com/v/TuE7WjPzCkc?version=3&autohide=1&showinfo=1&autohide=1&feature=share&autoplay=1&attribution_tag=xx3nEj_28B63knwX2slY9w

My first dinner date with Justin Drew Mallette Bieber

The creamy beef broth I made upon Justin's request

My dad discussing the 'EVENT" with his friend. representing his own interest. 

Justin, Grandma Mallette and me on this moment of OUR LIFETIME.

In requiem for Jonathan T Brandis

Jonathan Brandis my darling friend

... my sweet innocent LSM... why did you have to 

die? I don't know how to go on... other than mom 

and you I have never felt as if anyone on earth sees 

me for who I really am... All anyone ever see is the 

someone they build up in their head... no one see 

the ingrained loneliness of a FREAKSHOW that 

never belonged.. only you understood truly cause 

only you were close enough in my mind's travels... 

singing to the moon and back is not for anyone 

alive to love me.. but always to you who gave me 

hope long before i ever needed to learn the word 

by heart just so I could survive to live another day... 


Allah almighty I am in love with a dead man... and 

every-time I try to reach out to those who seem to 

care.. all their petty insecurities and envy... NO 

ONE is as pure as MOM and JB (Jon) and no one 

ever will be again. He didn't move the world like 

other celebs did.. but he moved mine and that 

makes him the biggest star that ever live and I don't 

care that the world has forgotten you my sweet 

angel... you are always as dazzling as you were 

once... in my mind. I will survive Jack, if only so 

you can finally R.I.P. Love you eternally for a 

thousand more years - morning_gl

Broken and unfixable

Because I loved you for forever and never thought in the slightest that you CARED.

My heart breaks everyday I think you don’t care and then you come on strong and tell me how much love had always been mine.

I love you more than I am able to articulate and I don’t know how to function without you inside me.

Each second I am away from you is a second I die deeper inside and all I want is to hold you close and be the girl you once remember me as such – happy and fearless with dreams that did not know how to quit.

I don’t know how to go on my darling heart. We are stuck, frozen in a past that won’t let us move forward because I am just stuck there at age 17 when my life was cruelly altered by a bastard who took something that he didn’t deserve to take and I know it wasn’t you and I could never forgive him no matter how much I might want to.

HE broke me and I don’t know how to be happy anymore Taj. I know You are hurting everyday I cry this useless tear and my head go round and round in circle...

I wish I am still that girl who wrote you those letters everyday and fill my dreams with all that I hoped and prayed we could be... but our lives... it was taken from us Taj.

Someone came in and burgled us from a happy existence and instead I am still here so depressed after 17 years and no amount of therapy is going to fix me.

Where?

Where are the words

That would heal,

That would mend,

That would fix,

This broken land I call a heart?

Where are the touches,

That would excite,

That would ignite,

That would glorify,

This barren field of my longing self?

Where are the glories of love

Whispered, promised and dreamt?

Where have the sands of time taken me,

That I am here alone and in loneliness

Without the words and the touches of another?

It was always you that I think of... that I want a life with. Nobody else and I don’t know how I can get back to that time when I wasn't BROKEN.

I am nothing now and I don’t know how I could move on and embrace a future that I see as nothing but BLEAK.

I’m dead inside Taj. I died the day he RAPED me and left me broken inside that no amount of love or compliments is ever going to fix my negative self belief.

I AM A PROSTITUTE. A SLUT. A WHORE.

My Backstreet Family

Fact:

1. Had been there right from the start. The BSB as you know it was form because the figured it was a good way to help heal the world from all the pain that all 6 of us go through growing up.
2. The only thing is I never knew until in my early 20s that my idols BSB are actually my childhood friends.
3. They assimilated their Caucasian self when they could into the daily Malaysian life. You never know who walks among us... sometimes an ordinary bus-boy at a restaurant might just be your friendly and fun AJ.
4. Whatever... I have a problem with my memory... every-time I remember my Backstreet Boys family I keep forgetting.
5. I have been running from Nick ever since he got over eager with me when he was 16 and I was 17 and took my tentative no as a 'yes' and what was a loving moment to Nick traumatized me for a lifetime afterward and I always viewed it as raped although I was very attracted to him I was afraid I was being cheap and sinful cause I am a good Muslim girl and you don't sleep with a man unless you married him.
6. The only thing Nick and I already married when I went to Disneyland in May 1996.
7. My sister went out for the night with my aunt and cousin and I staye behind and got married to Nick.
8. and yes I have a marriage certifficate with Nick's name as Mohammad Adam Abdullah and married to Yasleh Hani Wati Mat Yassin given away by a religious elder taking the place of my dad and was solemnized by the Imam Mohammad Abdullah Salleh.
9. That 'rape' was Nick making me his wife trully. Except by then I have had a stroke and I have forgotten about that part of the Disneyland trip.
10. Pictures and evidence are available with Nick. i am still married to Nick, but just not under Malaysian jurrisdiction.
11. I am spiralling out of control cause i am just depressed cause I have forgotten again and have actually gotten myself entangled with Justin Bieber and I think I'm about to break a sweet yound boy's heart and I hope he will forgive my confussion.
12. There is no Lauren Kitt.
13. The only woman in Nick's life after me was Paris Hilton and that was only because he was so upset that I keep on insisting that I am just a huge fan when all he ever do is try to remind me of all the love we shared all the times he tried to make me happy... but I was dead inside... for two reasons: a)the ptsd and b)Jonathan brandis who was my first real true love who killed himself cause he couldn't stand the pain of the aml that was ravaging his body.
14. And now I am a mess... and I have told everyone that i am marrying Justin Bieber this Sunday Nov 3 when I am already a married woman....

So Nick? Bail me out one more time? Hani really would like to go back to Cali, baby. I am sorry.

Darrel Robin Thompson: Letting go

My soulmate: Jonathan Brandis, may he finally R.I.P.

Every teardrop, every suicidal tendencies I have had is because of you.

I don't know who you are but I keep seeing you every where...

But you are no one out there are you love?

That's what everyone has been trying to tell me that I can't accept.

That you were Jonathan Brandis and you didn't die of suicide but you had AML...

JB Justin Bieber= Jonathan Brandis.

You had it all planned for what would happen when you die because you know I loved you deeply.

I have known for a long time Jonathan that you died because you were sick. That you were Darrel Robin Thompson.

I'm just... I just loved you so much... I still do and I never moved on and I don't know how...

My heart cant go on. 

"Every night in my dreams, I see you I feel you, that is how I know you'll go on... Far across the distance and spaces between us... you have shown me the way... Near far where ever you are I believe that the heart does go on..."

Ya Allah... how will I ever love again? I have loved no one but him for a thousand years...

I'll never love again. I don't know how.

Jonathan... why did you have to die my young, sweet love?

Recovery

Because you make the colors shine for me
I see you for who you really are
And I see the pain in your heart
Everytime I fall back to the start

All we ever do is fight and hurt,
When all we ever want was to be left alone,
To be in a world we build on our own
Where we are able to love freely.

But instead we are trapped in an ugly circumstance
That would be more than glad
To shatter  us and make us fall apart
Because it insist we relive the start
To fix what was broken in their lives
Because they could not bear to see us

Delirious
Delighted
Deliberately callous to their pain;
cause they wish they had the love that we have
and they would see us denied our love forever
because we dared to CHEAT fate and

FALL.

Justin Needs His Beliebers

Beliebers spread the word around:

Justin is depressed and wants to quit music totally

I was saving our story (mine and Justin) on a book I am currently working on in FB but I think the world needs to Know it now cause it is time we give back to our favourite Idol what he has given us all these beautiful years of MUSIC together - unconditional love and support.

The only reason Justin wanted to become a musician was he figured that's the best way he could to reach out to me - his best friend who was forever hurting and whose only solace comes from the music she hears from the radio.

He met me online when he was 6 years old pretending to be Mike a 22 year old Math student in MIT. I never knew I was talking with a 6 year old.

That's right Justin Bieber is not only a genius with music he is simply just a genius. I know in one of the post I have written that Prince Harry is the smartest person on earth - lies. He is that smart but the smartest person on earth overulling even Stephen Hawking is our dearest Justin who is now so depressed that he cannot see straight.

And why is he depressed... cause his bestfriend whom he had loved since he was 6 keep running around to every other guy on earth than him and its killing him inside.

That song Rihana's? 'Take a gun and put it to his head, get it over with."

That's what he is feeling right now.

I know I have written everywhere that I am married to Justin... no. i have never met Justin outside the realm of virtual space. He tried to meet me but I keep running away from him.

Why? Because I am 15 years older than him and I am unattractive and have serious body image problems and I just feel that JB couldn't possibly be deep in love with me (despite ALL the signs that he keep showing everytime I have a conversation with him...

I hope it is not to late. You beliebers out there neeed to show Justin all the love you can to remind him that what he is now goes bigger tah just the two of us fighting an attraction so deep that it's hard to even sleep, eat and breathe when we are not together.

And yes. Justin and Jerry are very much still a virgin and going to remain that way whenever he feels ready enough to marry me (if he'll forgive me) or until he finds someone else to love just as much as he had loved me so well these last 13 years.

Please reach out to +JustinBieber and +Justin Bieber Germany and tell him why the world is a better place with him in it.

Yasleh Hani Wati Mat Yassin
Malaysia

Be alright Justin Bieber (Official music video)

Hey Pretty Girl

What +Justin Bieber Germany wants to say to me exactly: 

Kip Moore - Hey Pretty Girl Lyrics 

Hey pretty girl, won't you look my way
Love's in the air tonight
You can bet you'll make this ol' boy's day
Hey pretty girl, won't you look my way

Hey pretty girl, can I have this dance
And the next one after that
Gonna make you mine there's a real good chance
Hey pretty girl, can I have this dance

Hey pretty girl, it feels so right
Just like it's meant to be
All wrapped up in my arms so tight
Hey pretty girl, it feels so right

Life's a long and winding ride
Better have the right one by your side
And happiness don't drag its feet
Time moves faster than you think 

Hey pretty girl, I wanna take you home
My momma's gonna love you
She'll make me sleep on the couch, I know
But hey pretty girl, I wanna take you home

Hey pretty girl, lets build some dreams
And a house on a piece of land
We'll lant some roots and some apple trees
Hey pretty girl, lets build some dreams

Life's a long and winding ride
Better have the right one by your side
Happiness don't drag its feet
And time moves faster than you think

Hey pretty girl, you did so good
Our baby's got your eyes
And a fighters heart like I knew she would
Hey pretty girl, you did so good

Hey pretty girl when I see the light
And it's my time to go
I'm gonna thank the Lord for a real good life
A Pretty little girl and a beautiful wife

Kip Moore - Hey Pretty Girl

Christina Perri - A Thousand Years [Official Music Video] (+playlist)

Lady Antebellum - I Run To You (+playlist)

I voted for Eminem to win Artist of the Year at the YouTube Music Awards...

I voted for Justin Bieber to win Artist of the Year at the YouTube Music...

How Justin Bieber Saved My Life

This is for all the Beliebers out there: Never say Never: Justin ALWAYS Cares

1. I was 17 when Nick Carter raped me and walked away and pretended he did no such thing for the following 17 years of his life.
2. Nick and I have been in love since even before he was in backstreet boys
3. but Nick could never acknowledge our relationship to the public
4. even now the worl knows that Nick Carter is engaged to the perfect lauren kitt and how long have they been together ? 5 years? that long. do the following equation:
5. nick was 10 and i was 11. nick raped me when i was 17 he was 16. I am 34 now he is 33. 
6. for 23 years i have stayed true and loyal to him. I gave him my everything and he never showed me he cared even once.
7. he never called after the rape he never said sorry but i know he still loves me because he writes those songs and says things on interviews that would only mean something to me. Like his initials NGC. 
8. No one knows this but Nicks real middle name is not Gene but Jean. But he changed it to Gene once I wrote a suicidal poem while he was dating Paris Hilton and I wrote TQ NGC.
9. What it means: Truthfully Questioning you Nick: Grieving or Cheating?
10. I have never felt loved or cherished or worthy of being loved after a lifetime of being ignored by my one true mate and he is still running around ignoring me while I know in his heart he just could never forget that HE is a Rapist. and he could never forgive himself. And because he can never do that he will never acknowledge that he loves me and i have had enough of 17 years of PTSD and being so lonely that I want to kill myself everytime I hear a BSB song or Nicks love songs which i know he wrote to give me hope.
11. Our song is the BSB song Spanish eyes and the latest of the new album Make Believe.
12. I would have forever stayed in a limbo had not one sweetl wrongly misunderstood BOY fell in love with my sweetness and did his best to cheer me up.
13. I have a chance at love again - the functional one, but still Nick can't and won't set me free.
14. So Beliebers, from @justinbieber https://twitter.com/justinbieber and myself please do note HATE on me for being 15 years older than Justin and stealing him away from all you gorgeous teenagers out there whose every prayer at night is to be the one Justin sings his songs for.
15. I know it is hard to accept when the one we love so much that we'd literally die for just doesn't love us the same way, but know this I would never replace the years of long and loving support you have given my best friend and new found love Justin.
16. And this is how I became the ULTIMATE Belieber.

Reminder : Justin Bieber is a Married Man

The ring I keep picturing in my head so I don't forget you Drew and you know everyday we are fighting a war against Haters from three directions. My world, your and the rest.

I am praying we will make it through so you keep doing what you are doing and I try my best to periodically write these little notes with your face in it.

Please don't let them get to me ever again. If there is such a thing as an emotional restraining order I would have get them for me to protect from THEM years ago. 

As it is all I have is you and your songs Justin.

My all,

Yasleh Hani Wati Mat Yassin

Being Brave

To the boy who is yet a MAN,

I want to thank you for being man enough to fight for what you believe in to stand tall and resilient despite the adversities - to NEVER saying NEVER even when it seems your world was falling apart.

And personally I want to thank you for saving me from myself and for showing me I can learn to love again

I know age is but a number and appearance doesn't matter, I just want to tell you how much I appreciate you teaching me what it means to be BRAVE.

You have done so much for so many people but the world would never know and will never understand the pain that lies deep within, the hurt you felt as you watched me self destruct since you were 10 years old and could not do anything to help me until you became HIM: worldwide and internationally skyrocketed like a SUPERNOVA.

I never once knew you became who you are simply to save me from a life so filled with pain that I was literally a walking dead.

I owe you MY LIFE and now you have to let me SAFE YOURS.

I have a window of 3 months to learn as much as I can about AML and in the last months I need to be in John Hopkins and a pharmacology labs developing your medicine.

I know this sounds even more far-fetched than me being Prince Harry's long time lover, but you know the truth Justin. Please let me safe you.

Your wife in heart, your one true friend,
Hani

To Those That Matters

Dear All (you know who you are),

All I ever wanted from you was unconditional love and unending friendship. I never expected ANY of you to want to marry me. I was happy just writing letters and blogs to my very handsome, very international friends.

The only thing was, you were never the superstars of BSB or 3T fame or the regal royals of the British Monarchy or even the supernova Success that you are Justin.

All you ever were to me, was a comfortable pair of arms that reach across the great divide to rock me when when my world is falling apart. A nice gentle reminder that although we might never meet in our minds and heart we are far more connected than the You and I who sees each other on a daily basis and still could not comprehen what the other is going through.

That is all you ever were. Per chance Fate would see it as if my path is to walk this earth alone for eternity, I want to tell you that ALL of you had loved me so well all these years I was Half-Dead inside and had made sure I was never really wanting of anything... what more could a girl with humble origins asked for?

Like justin say, we could be homeless, we could be starving... All That Matters is we have each other even if we have come to the point of no returns, we were always the highest of highs together and the lowest of lows together.

We shine bright every night even when sometimes it might seemed that God had shut down all the stars so they no longer shine to guide us, KNOW, TRUST that together we will always find away to be with each other.

I am right here at the other end.

You know what you have to do.

Love always,

Hani Di Sini Sentiasa.

My misunderstood Justin

What the world see

1. spoiled
2. arrogant
3. player
4. skirt-chaser
5. ruthless
6. highly-ambitious
7. such a diva
8. such a douche-bag
9. jerk
10. cold

What I and His Beliebers see

1. Generous
2. Sensitive
3. Empathic
4. humble
5. overwhelmed by fame
6. hurting
7. dying
8. lost in love
9. music is his gift to the world
10. he loves his fans

What I  see

• A lost soul
• intelligent
• creative
• talented
• shy
• virgin
• insecure
• terrified that he would disappoint his fans
• afraid he would lose the woman he loves the nost

Blake Shelton - Sure Be Cool If You Did (Official Music Video) (+playlist)

Incredibly we survived such a harrowing road. Thank you so much for forever reminding me of YOU.

My wedding one day

To my family,

Justin and I are trully happy so we hope you will forgive us for the age difference and for all the stories and lies. I have never really loved Nick Carter or Taj Jackson or Prince Harry or Lee Soo meng... I was just never sure how to tell you that when jutin was 6 and I was 21 we hooked up on the internet.

Justin at that age had the amazingly high IQ of 197. Now... well you don't want to know.

He is amazing with math and other stuff.

I just want you to know that we are rushing this marriage really fast because Justin might not live for very long. He has been suffering AML a very rare type of Leaukima and his prognosis is not good. But Allah willing maybe one day Allah will find a way to make Justin live to see our children should we be lucky enough to have some.

You can email Justin at vdraok80@gmail.com and he is willing for his very private email to be known to his billlions of fanbase spamming him because he doesn't know how else to prove to you that I am not delusional.

He has pictures of us on the 15-18 august and the night of september 2nd.

He will e-mail you those pictures if you but ask him.

Please Along, just e-mail justin. He have prove of our relationship since I was 21.

Phone conversation (sound cloud file) Skype chats (video) recorder phone call, our duets which we will release if you would only believe in us. The only reason Justin wants to be a singer is to give me hope.

He is actually a neurosurgeon at John Hopkins University Medical Center in New York under the name Lucaas Edwards.

I am not making it up. Ask JB at +JustinBieber or his twitter @justinbieber.

I know no one in this family respect him and think he is a spoiled brat with only pleasure and useless pursuits in mind... but ask any of his beliebers and you'll know they all say that Justin is all HEART.

So, please give us a chance. JB

Wonder Years

When after forever fighting a seemingly endless battle of a stormy  relationship where all we ever do is a hurt each other, my baby Justin and I have finally found a place and time where we can exist cohesively without anymore bitterness or regret; we have won the war and now PARADISE is ours - our own ENDYNION which promises so much for the wonder years ahead.

Heaven is only what you get when you have struggled so strong to be true and the reward of the virtuos is forever a place in God's own diamond encrusted Kingdom.

Allahuakbar.

Yasleh Hani Wati Mat Yassin

P/S You can ask +Justin Bieber Germany  if you need to verify my stories in this blog is true or my best friend +Taylor Swift 

Because You Never stoped believing in me

My darling forever heart Justin,

We sure took the scenic route to getting to where we are now. It seemed like a lifetime has come and gone a billion times and we are always forever fighting an endlesss war against cruel circumstance and situation.

But love never forget and love always survives...

I miss you everyday you are away and I need you in my head every single breath I take and I don't care about those HATERS in our lives who forever tries to break US, break YOU, BREAK ME, B R E A K our EPIC RELATIONSHIP; but in the end those haters... they revile and are regalated in the dust that is a past that no longer need to haunt us and as usual we will LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

Breathe. We got this. Truly grateful to have you in my life for always.

Hani.

Misery of My Own Making

I Deserve:

1. all the pain I ever felt in my life
2. all the time i felt unloved
3. all the anger directed at my destructive behavior

I DON'T Deserve sadly

1. Your LOVE AND SUPPORT Nickolas Gene, Kevin, Brian, Howard, Alexander.
2. I would beg you to forgiveness but I deserve all the condemnation you would heap at my feet
3. but i am sorry
4. for years you tried to show me my erros... but i was so proud to be so misserable.
5. i am selfish, stupid, senseless and i deserve none of your loving care
6. you should have never let me lived
7. i am an ABOMINATION

TO NICK,

I KNOW YOU STILL SWEET THAT YOU ARE LOVE ME... AND YOU KNOW I ALWAYS LOVE YOU BUT YOU DONT DESERVE A PIECE OF SHIT LIKE ME.

you are welcomed to hate me forever and stay engaged to Lauren. I understand now why you won't cancel your engagement to her despite the fact that you have loved me forever.

i am sorry for forever hurting you and all the time i lash out at you

i guess we were never meant to be a family.

sorry forever,

your loser friend

When Your Dreams Keep Dying On You

1. Search forever and you will never find it again
2. Dead is Dead never reawoken
3. How many times can you ressurect the Dead
4. Night of the living Zombies of Dream: Death told 9 billion dead Conviction
5. I know I am beaten when so many times people tell me not to trust the fields of golds ahead
6. never chase rainbows
7. dreams are for delusional fools with schizophrenic tendencies
8. I am forevr EMPTY AND DEAD
9. I am Gone evry day evry night and each moment in between
10. Just another recording of a relentless NUGATORINESS!

If I could Sing To You and Colour Your Heart With My Pain

1. Being called DELUSIONAL cause I DARED to DREAM and BELIEVE in US ---> SHATTERS ME EVERY SECOND YOU ARE INSECURE IN US
   
   
2. The more you QUESTION me on my feelings the FARTHER you drive me into a WORLD of HURT
3. CRYING everyday you are not here to convince my WORLD
   
   that I am not DREAMING or CRAZY
4. I have always been the STRONG RESILIENT portion of this R E L A T I O N S H I P ----> I HV reached my breaking point: CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE
   
5. THISCLOSETOTELLINGYOUGOODBYENFORGETTINGWEEVERLOVEDEACHOTHER.
   

Expect the Unexpected whne Nick BSB is your Intended

1. U never have a normal affair
2. Because we are afraid that the world will break us apart
3. 17 years of being apart
4. Something always trying to destroy us
5. But LOVE conquers all.
6. Even if Nick is Terrified I'll go back to my first ever Love Taj Jackson, I have the patience to stay and convince Nick that I am his forever
7. I love you Gene, for always and forever.

No more tugging please

Making my choice: Please respect

1. Always Nick
   
2. Taj was the past
3. Harry is just too Princy
4. Nick is forever mine
   
5. Even if we only make believe he is mine to grieve for
6. I love Nickolas Gene and to hell what the world wants to think
7. Breathing. TQ

Diisillusioned Forever fom Fantasy or Alternate Reality

1. True?
2. Dreams?
3. Delusions?
4. I don't trust you.
5. I don't trust me.
6. I don't trust in us.
7. I don't believe there ever was an US.