Am I starstruck? No? Am I delusional? I was? Is what I feel real or superficial? I can't tell.
But what I do know that for twenty long years Nick had had a place reserved just for him in the inner reaches of my deepest most sacred part in my heart.
I do admit I am obsessive where he is concerned and I know that is very unhealthy.
But for as long as he was single, even when he was in relationship with various gfs and the longest most lasting with Lauren before he proposed, to me he was fair game and one day by some deity's crazy plan there will come a time in my life when I would get a chance to win over his heart.
Okay.. I know. Sounding really close to being delusional... but I always believe in this saying, "Dream Big OR GO Home"
I know in all the odds that you could lay I would come out on the losing end if I was betting that Nick would even looked at me twice... but stubbornly the hope remains strong and intact; right until I heard the news of his engagement to Lauren.
It was a dichotomy of emotions I experienced when I heard that news; Happy for him, Despair for me.
Happy because I know he deserves the happiness he finds with Lauren and miserable for me because there goes my 'dream-time man' who visits me often and made my dreams so spectacular. Oh don't ask me how many times Nick appeared in my nighttime journeys. Throughout the years it would number in the thousands already. I would say from age 14 to 34 45% of my dreams had included Nick in one form or another.
Hmmm... having trouble concluding this post. I don't know what I should say to nicely round up my point..
Ok simply put one of the reason I am somewhat heartbroken now is cause Nick is getting ready to make a lifetime commitment to the women he had fallen for... I know it's silly of me because in no circumstance would a relationship with me ever been possible let alone plausible... I know this; but it still hurts - he was my very own secret lover since I was 14 and now he is committing his life to another woman?
OMG I am too silly for words. Lol...
Anyway, I AM happy for the both of them and wish them nothing but the best... but you know there will forever be a part in my heart with a gaping unhealed wound cause Nick exited it permanently.
Okay.. I know. Sounding really close to being delusional... but I always believe in this saying, "Dream Big OR GO Home"
I know in all the odds that you could lay I would come out on the losing end if I was betting that Nick would even looked at me twice... but stubbornly the hope remains strong and intact; right until I heard the news of his engagement to Lauren.
It was a dichotomy of emotions I experienced when I heard that news; Happy for him, Despair for me.
Happy because I know he deserves the happiness he finds with Lauren and miserable for me because there goes my 'dream-time man' who visits me often and made my dreams so spectacular. Oh don't ask me how many times Nick appeared in my nighttime journeys. Throughout the years it would number in the thousands already. I would say from age 14 to 34 45% of my dreams had included Nick in one form or another.
Hmmm... having trouble concluding this post. I don't know what I should say to nicely round up my point..
Ok simply put one of the reason I am somewhat heartbroken now is cause Nick is getting ready to make a lifetime commitment to the women he had fallen for... I know it's silly of me because in no circumstance would a relationship with me ever been possible let alone plausible... I know this; but it still hurts - he was my very own secret lover since I was 14 and now he is committing his life to another woman?
OMG I am too silly for words. Lol...
Anyway, I AM happy for the both of them and wish them nothing but the best... but you know there will forever be a part in my heart with a gaping unhealed wound cause Nick exited it permanently.
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