For you MY HEART

My darling dearest most precious heart,

I will ALWAYS remember the last thing you said to me before you disappeared and start haunting me.

On one lonely day when I was coming home from college I felt the need to stop at the cyber cafe; sure enough there was a mail from 'Darrel':

'Sorry. My computer broke. Am at a friend's place'

Those 3 sentences still elicit a terrible pain in me... even after all these years and especially now as I wait for you to come and visit my family before we all go to our engagement celebration tonight.

You HAVE to understand the world of PAIN, HURT and disillusionment I felt... how bereft and EMPTY I have FELT since 19 until LAST MAY 2012.

Not putting BLAME. I never blame you. I GET why... I was too much a distraction...

I GET what Austin Mahone, Justin Bieber and Ed Sheeran is all about.

I always KNOW... even when I rather pretend not to; 'I try to go on like I never knew you'.

I just need to put it out there... so there will never be a time in our FUTURE where you will ever intentionally or not do THAT to me again.

I DIED ALL THOSE LONG LONELY YEARS when all I had were DREAMS.

I MISS YOU forever....