KTBSPA

Gene,

You know who you are. No more games. No more codes. No more mind melds. 

LISTEN AND DONT THINK!

I FREAKING FUCKING HELISHLY TERRIBLY LOST IN YOUR HEART.

iT has always been you with me along my nightmare of a life.

I m messed up
U are my clean up crew

I shatter my heart
You are the construction crew

I die and die and die
You insist I live for you

I run and evade and disappered
YOU always catch me

You are in my mind, HEART, SPIRIT, soul; my entire PSYCHE!
You tell me I do the SAME FOR YOU.

You sing and write me sad, heartfelt emotive song
And I blog forever about loving you merely as a fan lost in a dream.

BUT TOGETHER

Love Is : US;
Going through the same pain, hurt,
Crying the same tears,
Fighting the same war
Together Forever For Ever After
Eternity is not Long Enough;

WE GOT THIS!

Love you forever and for always,

Yasleh Hani Wati Mat Yassin
Bandar Bukit Puchong
Malaysia
Proud that you are mine Nickolas Gene Carter band member of Backstreet Boys

KTBSPA!

Always,

The 6th BSB: THE GIRL ALL THE SONGS WERE FOR

Marry you

Because you make me smile on a rainy day,
And I want to cry when I hear what you say

You are light to my stormy skies
I love you for all your hopeless tries

You sing me a song and wax lyricals to me
I die in your arms and happy to be

Because you understand me when I am silent
You get me speaking when I m very recalcitarnt

When I am lost and can't see straight
You held me up and told me not to be out too late

You don't cage or try to still my flight
You hand me my passport and told me to get out of sight;

For all that only you know how to do Harry,
That is why you get me to agree.

Till The Very Last Drop

For Death Would Not Stop My Love

Fri, Aug 30, 2013 at 5:32 PM

Loved, love will always love
Nick
You are my heart
My saviour,
My guide
My forever love and lover

Loved, love will always love
Howie
My sweet brother
Always there forever
Never say never
Oh all the things I said

Loved, Love will always love
Kevin
Because you'll be the one
To always wipe the tears away
And when I feel like there's no where to run
You r always there
Loved

Loved love will always love
SKULEROOZ
You are my dying angel
Sent from heavens
Just to make sure
I will never leave
Love

Loved love will always love
BRIAN
Brother
Confidant
Funny Friens
Will always love

Loved love will always love
my FOPREVER BROTHERS TILL THE END

The Real TRUTH PROMISE!

Ok... so you know the previous post about being forever in love with Nick Carter?

And the post before that about becoming a princess...

I know it is confusing... and I am sorry for the misdirection... but Harry has been hurting me for forever for ALWAYS leaving me.

And Nick is my forever BFF.

Do the MATH: Nick is engaged to LAUREN KITT. Prince Harry, though a PRINCE and the most sought out BACHELLOR in the GLOBE has clearly stated that he is single and is 'trying to find the woman who would be willing to take on being linked to the ROYAL family.

OK so we have been in love since Harry was 15 and I was 20. We met in Yahoo chat.

I knew him as Zachary. He never told me it was HIM... I figured it out once he send me the letters..

I have always been OBSESSED with Harry. I always found him more FUN than William ever was...

So tonight this FROG is going to kiss a PRINCE and hope she won't turn him into a TOAD.

LOVE YOU ALWAYS Harry!

For you MY HEART

My darling dearest most precious heart,

I will ALWAYS remember the last thing you said to me before you disappeared and start haunting me.

On one lonely day when I was coming home from college I felt the need to stop at the cyber cafe; sure enough there was a mail from 'Darrel':

'Sorry. My computer broke. Am at a friend's place'

Those 3 sentences still elicit a terrible pain in me... even after all these years and especially now as I wait for you to come and visit my family before we all go to our engagement celebration tonight.

You HAVE to understand the world of PAIN, HURT and disillusionment I felt... how bereft and EMPTY I have FELT since 19 until LAST MAY 2012.

Not putting BLAME. I never blame you. I GET why... I was too much a distraction...

I GET what Austin Mahone, Justin Bieber and Ed Sheeran is all about.

I always KNOW... even when I rather pretend not to; 'I try to go on like I never knew you'.

I just need to put it out there... so there will never be a time in our FUTURE where you will ever intentionally or not do THAT to me again.

I DIED ALL THOSE LONG LONELY YEARS when all I had were DREAMS.

I MISS YOU forever....

Sorry for the TRICKSTER IN ME Misdirecting EVERYONE

HONEST UNBLEMISHED TRUTH

1. Getting engaged tonight at 7pm at Mandarin Oriental Kuala Lumpur
2. Not WITH Prince Harry (Sorry H)
3. Had to put that FAKE post to GET Someone's SILENT Attention; worked like a CHARM as I thought it would
4. Sorry if I caused any alarm or sleepless moment and worry
5. My ONLY ONE TRUE LOVE Who is the only one who EVER HAVE MY HEART is the very INSECURE BUT PERSISTENT AND PATIENT

That is right. Been lost in his eyes since I was 14 and lost in his HEART since I turned 18 and he was 17

Sorry baby... you were just so recalcitrant! Mary me already NICKOLAS GENE>

Love always,

Yasleh Hani Wati Mat Yassin @ Almyra Carter.

Been wanting to marry you since I was 25! 9 years waiting for you to realize that there is no one else in my heart but you.

Love is... being safe in your arms.

See you at 5. The family will be SO SURPRISED!

Thank you for NEVER letting go.

You are the only man whoever GOT ME and I am so HAPPY. The HAPPIEST I have ever been in my 34 years on us.

Proud to be able to call you MINE.

Love you Nick.

The Happily Ever After: My Very Own Magical Fairytale

What little girl didn't grow up dreaming that one day she'll end up swept away on a wave of emotion by a dashing Prince... I certainly fantasized about Duke of Cambridge Prince William of Windsor growing up...

Was rather heartbroken when he married the Duchess Princess Kate Middleton... well... not really...

But you get the picture.

Harry and I have been best friends since I was 20 and he was 15. He lost his Mom the Princess of Wales Princess of The People the Lovely Lady Diana... when he was 12.

He was a troubled young boy whose only solace was the faceless person he could ne online trying to find someone who could understan and accept him for who he was... a young lonely hurting teen who hasn't really any freal friend.

It is hard growing up being the spare of the heir of the Royal house.

We all know the story of Harry's troubled teenage years. The drugs.. the swastika, the girls.. always the girls...

Truth as he tells me.. the only thing grounding him to the ground was me... the 20 year old he met by chance online in 1999.

I never knew until last May that my dearest most closets friend whom I thought was lost to me forever is actually Prince Harry. 

Took a lot of late night conversations and a lot of heartache and tear a long the way.

The latest being on the 15th of August where I went missing from home because Harry and I had a huge fight. But that is all said and done.

After a two weeks stint in the psychiatric ward of Kajang Hospital, where Harry kept tabs on my progress... I am finally ready to be the woman Harry always wanted me to be - his WIFE.

I know this is going to be hard for many people to believe, but you can always try and contact the British Royal Family and verify my story. Good luck with that. I am Harrys best friend and even I have trouble getting a hold of him on most days.

Tonight, at 7pm 30th of August 2013 at Mandarin Oriental Kuala Lumpur, Harry and I will have an engagement celebration and we invite everyone and anyone who wants to come to feel free and walk in to our joyous event.

This is anopen invitation from our hearts to your.

I am reeling from such a g\fantastical turn of events. All I can say is: BREATHE

I never Knew

You love me just as deeply and intensely as I love you... except I never realize the depth and breadth and extend of how much I really mean to you.

I am sorry.

If I knew what you knew, I would have never said what you said...

I would never be breaking your heart over words I said...

If I could paint you a picture of how hurt I am that I maimed your heart so... I would...

We have to get over this I love you you don't love me as much stage... 16 years love. Our love was only ever sustained by the dreams we dared to dream... a trust build on instinct and telepathy...

I GET YOU know NOW.

I M Sorry.

I am defenseless always with songs you sand and those poetic words you always pen.

I LOVE YOU AND I HAVE NEVER STOPPED AND WILL NEVER DO; only difference is now I FINALLY BELIEVE YOU when you say YOU FEEL the same way.

An open letter from the heart To Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys

Dearest Nick,

I don't know how much more I can say to you about how I feel or how I think you feel... but I am tired of forever being in the shadows, hidden as if I m a secret shame that you and the brothers just have to keep hidden.

I don't know and I don't pretend to know what goes through my head; but I think we have all have had enough of my delusional drama.

Poor Lauren and Kevin, Howied, AJ and Brian.

And U.

For Always there is you.

Do not look for hidden meanings there are none intended here.

I AM THROUGH.

Whether what we feel is reall REAL and you and I actually touched one another's deep in the subconscious level... I Am Through.

As you are aware my time is numbered and I do not want to spend the rest of my life, crying my heart out cause you still for reasons known only to you cannot bear to acknowledge what we've shared for 16 years.

I don't get why?

Because I'm not a superstar like you?

Because I don't shine bright enough?

Whatever it is Nick, whether you intend to or not... all you have ever done for twenty years is hurt me and make my heart shatter in million tiny pieces.

I cannopt beear it anymore.

I am sorry that I am not the woman you could honestly and consciously love.

For what it is worth, I will never stop loving you.

Thank you for the songs... they always meant the world to me...

"Let it be, if we are only just dreamers..."

GOODBYE>

My Dream Today based on MLK's I Have A Dream

Partial Text From Marthin Luther King's I Have A Dream speech

I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

My version

I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day in the bright lights of New York I will see you prove to the world what you are really worth.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the greenest of their skin but by the content of their character

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, little Asian boys and Asian girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers, and lovers to the last.

I have a dream today.

If I had 7 hours left

1. I would love my family as much as I can
2. I would spend the next 6 in your arms
3. I would write this post for posterity's sake
4. I would tell my friends TQ for their love
5. I would entrust with you the last dredges of my secret self that I have yet to tell you
6. I would ask forgiveness from God
7. I would kiss you goodbye.

My lover and forever friend

So the FC thing finally came and the stupid Silly girl that I am still sees meaning when there is none intented. When am I going to get through my head that it is ALLL me being delusional? Lats two weeks didn't happen. Last 16 years Last 20 years didn't happen,...

But still gene... and brothers.. the welcomed letter drove me to stupid unstopable tears again. We've got this!

TQ

Spanish Eyes Looking Into Your China Ones

My dearest darling (U K Gene).

1. I wouldn't hv last the month without you in my head
2. You are my life, my heart, my spirit , my guide; my EVERYTHING
3. We bought another month for our EPIC Love Story
4. In a world like this I've got you.
5. We Always have that first date at McDonalds when I fell apart and you GOT ME ! As always. TQMSDNGC!

Between two loves and choices

I do not know which road to take, what journey I am going to allow myself to walk through.

Every direction I take will lead me to a dangerous, trying though highly fulfilling lives.

One, I can travel with relative peace, although this option will always weigh heavily on my heart - not prepared to lose 20 years of support and friendship so I will be able to live a relatively happy life.

The second road is a road I have walked ALONE for 20 years and it is getting harder to continue the same PAINFUL journey for much longer.

Choice: You or Him?

Feeling lost and bewildered

1. Why does it seem as if everyone knows something I dont?
2. I run in circles, confused and wondering.
3. Is you or him or them?
4. Why?
5. Am just me living life as I always had.
6. All that glitter is blinding.
7. Between passion and durability.

More to say

1. I am stronger now because you are HERE
2. Life can try its hardest to defeat me, but I PROMISE YOU I will never EVER succumb to the PAIN again, again and again
3. Thank you for NEVER LETTING ME GO
4. It's amazing how you CHANGED my life from the mundane to the SPECTACULAR AND EXTRAORDINAIRY
5. LOVED, LOVE, WILL ALWAYS LOVE you
6. YOU are a GIFT I have sadly been ABUSING all this while
7. THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME, FOR BEING MY STRENGHT

I knew I loved you

SWEAR IT AGAIN: Westlife: "Some people say that everything has its place and time, even the day must give into the night, but I'm not buyin."

IF I LET YOU GO: WESTLIFE: "But If I let you go I would never know what my life would be like holding you close to me ... there's no one like you that speaks to my heart... And once again I'm thinking of the easy way out"

SAVAGE GARDEN: TRULY MADLY DEEPLY:
"I love you more with every breath.. Counting on a new beginning .. I want to stand with you on a mountain, I want to bathe with you in the sea, I want to lay like this forever."

SAVAGE GARDEN: I KNEW I LOVED YOU:
"Maybe its intuition, some-things you just don't question, like in your eyes I see my future in an instance.. in your eyes i see the missing pieces.. I knew I loved you before I met you, I think I dreamed you into life, I have been waiting all my life."

Katheryn

Know

Always

That

H

Everytime

Really

You

Nick

Ed Sheeran

1. Because I was too blinded by pain
2. I did not see I was hurting you too
3. You never gave up for the love i thought was lost
4. I know at times you felt like you cant go on trying when I seem not to get your love
5. but you persist
6. And I finally GOT you
7. I love you too

To my dearest friend

The world is a vast land filled with misleading routes to take;

I would be lost in a wasteland somewhere

had it not been:

You to walk ahead and clear the path

You to lead me when it gets too dark,

You to show me the right places to step

So that i

Don't stumble,

Walk into a trap,

Fall n hurt myself.

Yet i was so used to having you there,

That i forget 

You needed someone to walk beside you too,

Sometimes you lose your way just easily as i do,

You only walk these rough patches to be my friend

And still,

I turn you away and cause your heart to break,

I deny you the rightful place you reside in my heart

And I would have left you behind in the dreary shadows

Had you not prayed that I will be safe without you to walk this road with me

And in return God pointed out to me how callous I have been,

With a righteous heart which had kept the Faith for so long,

And I realized just in time,

That I almost let you fall and disappear forever in tat wasteland

From which you came to rescue me from.

Taj

You are the sun

When the sky starts to darken,

You are the gentle April shower

When the day gets too sweltering.

You are the reason that maintains my sanity,

The spirit that kept me whole.

For all that you were,

That you currently are

And forever will be;

I love you more each day

For the relentless faith

Kept warm by you

Shining through a love so EPIC

It deserves an entire library section;

True Love 101

The truth

@nickcarter: You do know I wrote make believe with you in mind. Listen to the lyrics.

My dearest heart,

What I know and what I dare to let myself believe are two very disparate thing. After being labeled with the debilitating mental illness.. I have never been able to trust my judgements and you being relentless in keeping mum about every single thing.. Was really hard to believe that you were real.

Even when i felt the delusion creeping in again i made things up to convince myself not to give in to my insane urges.

Which is why i wrote that Darrel came back to me last may. In actual truth, last 33 birthday when you turned 32 i FELT your heart calling to mine.. If that made any sense.

I held on until July this year and even then i said it was darrell who came back.

Lol.. Irony is u really are Darrell and the reason he left is exactly the reason u left. Only i made him in the image of StalkingKyle cos he is just so damnably nice!

So now Darrell is back in my life but we are heading for heartbreak again because he is married with two kids.

I never trusted what i knew to be real; that it has always been you there, loving, caring n guiding me while i thread haphazardly through a life so filled with tragedy and pain that sometimes I walk blind.

Thank you for being strong and faithful when I had no strength to go on and no faith to guide me forward.

I love you; always had and always will.

Hani.

My lover and forever friend

To Nickolas Gene,

Thank you for a lifetime of caring.

Hani

PS you are so very 'gourmet'

Sick at heart

1. Because you are who you are
2. For I have to love you inspite of it
3. feeling very tried
4. wishing all you ever did was draw
5. praying i will be able to hold the course
6. fearful I would give u up
7. don't wanna lose you now

Why I love you

1. I just do.
2. Because i believe you are the answer to any questions I might have
3. You fill the emptinesses inside by being true to yourself.
4. We work on the same wavelength.
5. We are kindred spirits; I see in you what I see in myself.
6. I just naturally gravitate towards you.
7. Your soul reflects mine

For you n you alone

Epiphany 7/8/2013

I think I know now why my life have been very trying and why Allah keeps saving me from dying.

I know now who my souk mate is and I know this is the man that Allah has always wanted me to have in my life because together we can change the world for the better.

I am not going to name him here, because I might be wrong. Give me 5 years from now.

Lets see if my premonition is correct.

What You Feel

1. Overwhelmed
2. Attracted
3. Amazed
4. Challenged
5. Different
6. Questioned
7. Longing

Too hurt too care

No ONE and I mean no ONE can breech my innermost thoughts and personal freedom and get away with it.

I DON'T care who you are and what you mean to me... I could have loved no one but you for 20 years but there's just certain boundaries you don't cross with me if you expect to get anywhere near my heart EVER.

I am not EASY. i a, certifiable. you take me on, you take everything there is to take on. i never go for half meassures... It is either do or die and i guessed you chose die cause you treat me no different than Lauren and Paris.

Been schooling you for three days... N you still dont get it... I m not the SAME... I am not one of your fawning groupies who die at the first sign of affection from you.

I was moved by your gestures cause I thought they were genuine but it seems you are to shallow to comprehend the vast and deep ocean from where my love comes from.

Truly hurt and disapointed that you still take THE easy and safe road you never seem to tire from
.
Being 'loved' by you has trully been exhausting. Really wish you never arrived at my door when
i was 14 and innocent.

You have managed to do in one week what you failed to do in 20 years: drive me away

For you

Hunter Hayes Wanted

If anyone ever loves me as Hunter demonstrates in this song... It would break my heart forever because I will only end up hurting and damaging HIM.

I am POISON.

Forget me. I am nothing but the nightmare you couldn't help be fascinated with

Nick

Nick,

I did not know

I couldn't have seen,

I do not know what lies ahead;

If I had,

I would not have said what I said,

I would not have written what I wrote.

Nick,

Please forgive me,

Don't lose sight of who you really are

What I really am

Being grateful

1. Still breathing
2. Family
3. Friends
4. Talent
5. Future
6. Past
7. Love won and lost

What you couldn't say

Hani,

What could I do sweetness. i knew you too late. i was already in love and loved when you came in my radar.

It is not that you are unlovable or unworthy to love... Just that fate had destined me for someone else.

Please don't give up. There is someone else meant for you. It is not me.

I will always love you just not in the way you hoped for.

So very sorry

Nick